Healing anxiety and overwhelm
Struggling with anxiety? Feeling like it’s overpowering your life? Like you can’t live one day or make one decision in peace?
I know… I’ve been there. I struggled with anxiety for most of my life. It took over my intuition, and clouded moments of joy. Until I finally learned how to create boundaries with it. I’ve found a few perspectives and practices that have actually — no joke — changed my life.
I’d love to share them with you.
Setting boundaries
Part of the reason I struggled with anxiety so much was putting others’ needs before my own. I was so caught up with meeting other people’s expectations of me, fearful of ever disappointing anyone. I walked on eggshells, and attracted people who didn’t necessarily have my best interests at heart. I chased people and opportunities that weren’t meant for me. I engaged in self-sabotaging behaviors.
A big part of healing from my anxiety was setting boundaries with people and behaviors that held me back. Listening to my own inner voice became crucial. It took me years, but with practice, I started to become more comfortable with being assertive. I started making my voice heard, and following my own instincts. This applied to the people I allowed in my life, as well as the opportunities I pursued.
By setting boundaries, you’re deciding what you’re allowing yourself to entertain. An example of a personal boundary with someone else could be telling someone nosy: “I understand your interest in discussing that, however I’m not comfortable opening up on that subject.” It could be telling yourself: “When this person tries to provoke me by doing X behavior, I choose to conserve my energy and not respond.” It could even mean reducing contact with that person. An example of a personal boundary with yourself could be: “I don’t check my phone within the first hour of waking; I use my extra time to be present and mindful in my morning routine.”
Boundaries, when instilled with compassion for yourself and others, are not cruel. On the contrary - they’re healthy and necessary, and ultimately loving.
Presence
Ahh, presence. It’s become a bit of a buzzword in the wellness community. But for good reason. The practice of presence is so healing for the mind. It draws your awareness away from any mental chatter, such as memories from the past, or the yapping of your inner critic. By focusing with a soft alertness on what you are doing in each and every moment, you’re able to pull the energy that anxiety is trying to steal from you, and place that energy back where it belongs: in the here and now.
This is the simplest and most effective practice, yet it’s not easy. Your ego mind will do anything to distract you from the present moment by bringing up worries from the past or future. It takes practice and perseverance to begin to cultivate more presence. The healing power of presence makes the perseverance worth it. All it takes is stringing your awareness along with you from one moment to the next. When you get distracted, don’t berate yourself. Calmly bring your awareness back to the now.
If you haven’t yet read “The Power of Now” by Eckhart Tolle, I invite you to check it out! It’s the best book on the subject matter, in my opinion.
Re-framing
Anxiety is something that you experience. It is not you.
When you say, “my anxiety is acting up,” you are saying “my anxiety,” which means that you are claiming it as your own. You are fusing your identity with it. Be mindful of this. Notice if and when you do this.
“The words you speak become the house you live in.”
When an emotion arises, such as nervousness or anxiety or anger, your task is to notice and label it for what it is. “Oh, there it is. There is anxiety. I can feel it in my belly.” This is an example. Instead of getting caught up in the story, and allowing it to replay over and over again in your mind, just notice the sensation of this feeling in your body. Allow it to arise. Watch as it comes and goes. It will leave the same way it came in.
Learn to cultivate a detached awareness. Try not to label any emotional experience as “yours” or your identity. It is an experience you are having. And, just like anything else, it will pass
Mindfulness meditation
Mindfulness meditation is a way we can exercise our minds to being in the present moment. While meditation is something that we are encouraged to practice in each and every moment of our lives, sitting for meditation helps us set aside time for ourselves to train our minds to being present. Setting this time aside is also a way to reinforce these positive practices.
By using an anchor for our awareness, such as our breath or a mantra, we can practice strengthening the power of our presence. As such, the pull of mental chatter, anxieties, and fears will not be as strong. These things may very well still come up. Remember, we are not trying to control any aspect of our experience. By practicing mindfulness, we are able to create a healthy distance between ourselves and our thoughts. And that makes all the difference.
There are plenty of ways to practice this. You can check out the Headspace app, or the Plum Village app, which is completely free and lead by monks. I also have my own YouTube channel with meditations that stem from this practice.
Spiritual practices
So much of anxiety comes from not feeling grounded in ourselves and in the world. We may get so caught up in the symptoms of anxiety, that we neglect addressing the very root cause of it.
Consistent spiritual practices are important for cultivating a sense of groundedness amidst the chaos of life and the world around us. Decide on how you would like to start and end your day. It could be just a moment of acknowledgement to God or whatever higher power you believe in. Your spiritual practices may be varied, and you can pick and choose which ones you go to based on what you need at a certain season in your life. It may be prayer, meditation, journaling… anything that connects you to yourself and to God. Your spiritual practices are sacred and private to you. Keep them as such.
Just remember: you’re not alone. And you’re not meant to do it all alone. Surrender what is beyond control, with faith, to that higher power. Trust that you are supported, guided, and protected.
The egoic mind wants to convince you that you need to have it all figured out. Otherwise, you’re not safe. That couldn’t be further from the truth. Surrender to that higher power, each and every day.
Movement
Practice movement. Shake off that energy that’s clinging to you. If you live a quite sedentary lifestyle, try moving more. Sitting around and stewing in anxious thinking will certainly not help.
Find something that you feel helps cultivate strength without putting your body into fight or flight. Yoga, Pilates, and Reformer Pilates are all great options. But it could be anything! I’d just recommend avoiding super high intensity stuff. The most important thing is to find something you enjoy, something that helps you sweat it out a little, and do it at least twice a week! Over time, this will help build a more resilient body and mind.
Nervous system regulation
I’ve become more interested in learning about nervous system regulation. Without an appropriate environment or behaviors that instill a sense of peace and safety in our bodies, our minds may find it difficult to settle down. No matter how many times we affirm something to ourselves, if we don’t feel safe in our bodies, then we will most likely shut down.
Do things that bring you a sense of peace and joy regularly. I mean, regularly. Not just once a week. We need to be doing things that offset the stress of daily living.
Give yourself time to rest and do nothing. Yes, your to-do list is not going anywhere. But that’s all the more reason to give yourself a chance to rest amidst it all. It’ll be right there when you’re ready to get started.
Practicing presence, deep diaphragmic breathing, yin yoga, and yoga nidra are all things that can help.
Community
Anxiety will make you want to isolate yourself. Isolation is one of the worst things you could do, particularly in moments of anxiety. If you’re stuck in a dark room, thinking you’re unworthy of life and love, open the damn windows. Let the light in. Seek friendships that nurture you, and nurture them back. You’re not meant to face it all alone. It’s okay to let your guard down.
Nota bene
Of course, each person is different. Take these bits of advice with a grain of salt, apply them into your own life before drawing any conclusions about them. If you’re truly struggling, you may want to speak to a professional. It can really help. Perhaps seek alternate healing modalities such as massage, acupuncture, or energy healing. There are many things that you can do to help, but these are the ones that have made the most impact in my life. I hope this post has helped you in some way!
Do you have any comments or questions? Please leave them in the comments section below. I’d be happy to help address them!